On the lost art of listening

Yesterday, June 29, 2008, we had a Big House meeting for the upcoming camp. Although it was a required meeting, 3 of our workers didn't show. 2 are in a band and they had a concert or whatever that day in a different city (our meeting was in Zavadka nad Hronom, where the Baldis', Martin and Eli, as well as their workers for camp live.). The other one found out the day before that her family would be traveling and she couldn't make it. Too bad; Kelly had some wonderful things to share about being a servant. I think that has been one of his heart's cries since I've known him; to be a servant. Like the older Christian "contemporary"song says, "If you want to be great in God's kingdom, learn to be a servant of all." There is another meeting for our part of the team next Monday; they all must show for that one, or else!
While at the meeting yesterday, I was struck anew with how... rude some of "our" students can be. We make all sorts of excuses, too. "Oh, she's a newer believer," or "She's an only child," or "They don't see each other so often." as if those are valid reasons for people talking while someone else has the floor. Last week, one of the guys (who was missing yesterday) couldn't seem to keep his mouth shut and comments to himself. I did get on his case a bit, but he needs to be brought down a notch or two, in my opinion. Seems that with his band, which is a Christian band, getting more popular, he's getting a bit of a prideful attitude, like he doesn't need to pay attention; he doesn't need to listen. The gal who wasn't listening yesterday is one of those who cuts off people as they are answering her questions, waving her hand as if she knows what is about to be said. She was asserting a certain idea, but it wasn't until Eli, who could be a bit more forceful in her language, emphasised one point that this gal finally understood. She asked, "Why didn't anyone tell me this?" To which we all, in shock, asked each other, "Are you kidding me? We've been saying this from day one!" Listen.
I fear that too many people, when they are "listening" are so busy formulating what they will say next that they don't really listen. They hear the words coming out of the speaker's mouth, but they aren't comprehending them; they aren't listening. I remember back when I was in college, one of our exercises was in active listening; hearing what someone was saying, asking questions to clairfy, and not thinking about a response or rebuttal; just listening to them.
I know that I am not perfect in this area. I do think, however, that I am a good listener. Maybe it is because I need to listen so closely when someone is speaking to me in Slovak, so that I understand. I hope that by the end of camp, that our student-workers have a better understanding of listening, and are better able to practice it.
Have you listened today? To whom or to what? Listen, it's a good thing to do!
And those are my thoughts on that!

Of Slovak weddings...

Yesterday, June 21, Kelly, Nathan and I.. and a bunch of other people.. attended the wedding of Eli and Martin. Let me tell you, this has been one of those "stories" of which Samwise may have spoken! Their romance was a perfect picture of waiting.. and waiting.. and waiting. When Eli arrived in Banska Bystrica for college about 5 years ago, the guys in the M+ youth group went ga ga over her. She is petitie, very cute, has an electric smile and a voice that takes you to heaven when she sings. She was also on a "man fast"; she wasn't going to date anyone, ANYONE, for 2 years. When that becamse puplic knowledge, which took all of 1 day given the rapid transmission of such information, the guys backed off, and started to count the days. It's funny how many knew when that fast ended! When it did, Martin, who'd been admiring Eli for months, if not years, sort of got in line. He did ask her out,only to find out that one of his friends, Tomas, had already asked her out, but that she'd extended her fast... and didn't let anyone know the expiration date! Martin waited. He'd told Kelly that God had told him that Eli was the woman he was going to marry. Kelly just smiled and wondered, 'How do I talk to him about that one!?" They finally started dating, not before she refused him more than once (to go out with him, that is) but his persistence, patience and kindness, not to mention his maturing character, won her over. Sweet love story. Then they got engaged... 2 YEARS AGO!! They've waited for both of them to graduate to marry. That was a wise decision, but I'd NEVER counsel someone to be engaged for 2 years. Know that you'll get married, then get engaged say, oh, 6-9 months before the planned wedding date. 2 years!!
Kelly and I did the premarital counseling, which was fun and very eye opening. In the US, the woman goes to "THE" doctor a few months before the wedding, not just to get some contraceptive item, but to make sure that everything is fine. Not so here. I was so shocked!! As a nurse, I was a litle concerned with one of our conversations,her seeming cluelessness (and she is 24 years old) and had to pull out one of my nursing books to explain some stuff. That's when the Slovak-English dictionary, a Slovnik, sure came in handy! I don't use some of those words on a daily basis, after all ; ) But all in all, they seem to be as prepared as any couple can be.
Back to the wedding. It was a very nice "sobas" which is the ceremony. Then, we went to the reception, which was nice as well, and it had an ending time! The last one we atended was for Milan and Jana in May and when we left at 11:30 PM and the party was just getting started. But Martin and Eli wanted to have an early evening. Here is where it gets rather weird, from my American viewpoint. They both were ready to leave; they were getting tired, it had been a long day, Kelly and I, as a gift, paid for a night at a really nice place to where they wanted to go now, but they couldn't leave. The tradiation here, where the wedding is way too much for the parents of the bridal couple than for the newlyweds themselves, they couldn't leave until the offical host of the reception left, who happened to be an elder aunt of Eli's. When I found that out, know what my response was? "You've got to be kidding me!" No wonder some virigin couples wait until the next night to consumate their marriage; they're so wiped out waiting for some old person to leave.
The lesson here? As a parent whose gorgeous oldest daughter is soon to wed, BUTT OUT!! Let them plan the wedding, since it is THEIR WEDDING, not mine. It is their day, not mine. It is the beginning of their new life together, not mine. I am so thankful that my parents, for the most part, let us plan our wedding. There are 2 more weddings in the next month, so we'll see how those go!
And those are this Mom's thought on that! ; )