A Mom's Thoughts...

A Mom's Thoughts...
A few days ago, I returned home from a conference in Sopron, Hungary. It was our mission's annual conference, and this was the first year in this city. Previously we were in Budapest, Hungary; Frankfurt, Germany; and Halle, Germany. Each was an experience, but this years' held particular concern for me. This year, I would be "on my own" for most of the time, since Kelly was still in the US. This year, too, would be the first time in over 2 years that I would see a fellow missionary with whom there is some conflict. I was not looking forward to this conference as much as I had to those in the past.

I did have some wonderful times seeing friends from all over Europe, but it was odd. Like I said, Kelly was not with me, so I really got a sense of what it can be like to be a single woman on the mission field. I mentioned to one friend, who is single, that I had thought that there was this network among them, sort of sister-hood, and that they all made plans ahead of time so that they would not be so alone. I was wrong. They do look out for each other, I have seen that, but they aren't always "included" at a certain table for meals. I came away with a greater awareness of that, and I do hope that next year, I'll make the effort to include them, both the ones that I know as well as those whom I do not.

But, as I alluded to, it was a very difficult time for me because of this conflict. I am a peace-maker. When I know that there is some sort of tension or problem, I want to fix it. I want resolution. I don't like "open-endedness" and fuzzy boundaries that come with the situation in which I find myself. It is not a fun adventure, that is for sure, but I hope that I am learning through it, something about myself, as well as about other.

One thing that I have learned is that not even missionaries are always honest. This person had told me how much they appreciated what I had done, been doing, so I figured what I'd been doing was a good thing. Later, much, much later, I was told that what I had been doing had so traumatized this person that they were unable to function the rest of that day. Hmm, what to believe?

Perhaps the worse part, though, is the unforgiveness. To me, this is not acceptable. As a person of faith, a lover of Jesus, I know that forgiveness is key to my very life in Him. Without forgiveness, I don't know what I would do. As part of my being forgiven, I have no option but to forgive others when they offend me, whether they ask for forgiveness or not. But what do I do when I ask for forgiveness of a fellow Christian, a fellow missionary even, and the response is that of "I need to pray about it", and hear nothing on it for years? What do I do when I again ask for forgiveness, only to not get a response, except through various channels and to be told that the response was one of anger? It is not a fun spot to be in, but ...

And this is where the life of faith gets really interesting. Do I have enough faith to trust Jesus with this person? To trust that He really is in control, knows my heart and the other person's, and will indeed, work all things out for my good as it says in Romans 8? Do I really trust Jesus to heal my hurt over this situation, and move on, press forward, continue to do what He has called me to do, even though this person won't forgive me? (Note, I say won't. This person can, we all can, it isn't easy, but forgiveness, like love, is a choice!) My answer to that is Yes, I can trust Him. I can rest, knowing that He loves me and the other person, and will continue to work in both of our lives until there is at least some resolution.

Hmm, there is more I'd like to say, but this is becoming a novel and not just a blog. But there are days ahead, and I even have some ideas floating around my brain for future posts. Live the life, take the risk on the adventure....

Life is an Adventure

Hmm. let's see if I can get this write, I mean right! I had written something, and when I went to preview it, lost it all. I guess that name of computer_widow still fits! In an attempt to recapture what was written...

I have been inspired of late by the blogs I have been reading. Most recently, the blog about David and Jeff's around-the-world jaunt. Okay, so that trip has only just begun, so I've only read the first day, but it still inspired me to put fingers to keyboard and record some of my own musings.

I have often told people, "Life is hard, then you die and then (for Christians) you get to have a party!" Life is hard, those who don't agree, that is fine, but they live in a dream world, or don't really live at all. That life is hard isn't a bad thing, it just is. Anything worth doing is going to require at least a little effort. Life is worth doing, life is worth the effort. But, life is also an adventure, as many have sung over the years. Don't worry, I won't sing, but I will sing along! It is along those lines of worth and adventure that I will stirve to express myself. It might not always be pretty, but I will strive to be truthful, which can be beautiful.

As I sit here amongst piles of unpacked boxes, re-settling into the life of a missionary mom in Slovakia, I confess that I'd rather be somewhere else. Somewhere with sunshine, warm breezes, no boxes, and all the family together. But, I can't have that, so I'll have to take what I have, and make it worthwhile. I am where God wants me to be at this time, and that is a good thing. It is a very hard thing for me now, though. Kelly, my beloved husband, is in Arizona with Caleb, or CJ as he is wanting to be called, the second of our "brood" to fly from the nest, settling him into college. I got to tell you, this empyting of the nest adventure is for the birds! For one whose most fun job is that of being Mom, this is not the fun part. I'd rather keep all of them around me all the time, but that would not be the best for them. As one woman pointed out, my part in their life is to teach them how to "use their wings" and to set them free. Some would say it is 2 down and 2 to go, which in a sense it is. I am thankful to God for the years and children with which he has blessed me, and know that it is only as they (our kids) make their was in life, have their own adventure, that I know how well being the happy mommy has been. At this point, it is gratifying to see how well they are "turning out". What will be, I don't know, but I know it will most likely be hard, but oh, what an adventure!

So, this little adventure in blog-world begins. I don't think I'll write daily, since even the most exciting adventures have their lulls, or times when it simply is not possible to make an entry. Since they will be more along the personal lines, I have no plan to follow a certain format, but know that I am open to suggestions, comments, input, etc. Life IS hard. But, with Jesus in the midst of it, oh so worthwhile!

Life is an Adventure

I have been inspired over these past few months by different blogs which I have read. Most recently, i've been reading about David and Jeff's around-the-world jaunt. Okay, it is only the first day for them, but it is what I read, and I know there will be more!
I have often told others that "Life is hard. Then, you die and, at least for Christians, you get to have a party." It has been said that anything worth having is worth working for. So, somewhat along those lines, those of worth and work, I'll be writing in the future. This most likely won't be a daily blog, since even on the most exciting adventures, there are lulls or times when you just don't have the gumption to record "the events". Most of the adventures about which I will attempt to write will center on life for this missionary mom, living again in Slovakia and adjusting to an emptying nest. That process, by the way, of "emptying the nest" is really for the birds! For one whose most fun, who has viewed her "job" as the Mom as the best job in the world, this is not a fun change... but it is all part of the adventure.
The adventure and challenge of unpacking boxes awaits me. What awaits you?

Hmm, found this lurking, so at the risk of redundancy, will publich this one too....