This has been one of those weeks.
It started out so wonderfully, with the much-anticipated arrival of Candace and Caleb for Christmas on December 11. Less than 48 hours later, it turned tragic, with the unexpected death of our dog, Hero.
It is amazing to me, the non-dog-person in the family, that we all miss him so much. We were blessed, really and truly blessed, to have this mutt in our lives for almost 9 years. That is too short of a time. Much as I hated, (hmm maybe that is too strong of a word...so, strongly disliked!) the dog hair that would be almost everywhere - on the floor, on one's clothes, on the furniture- I'd rather have fresh deposits of his dog hair than not have him around. (There is still some on the floors, since no one seems to want to do the "floor chores" and clean it up!)
He died on the 13th, early in the morning. Caleb was with him. He'd gone in for some x-rays and test back in Novemeber, and it seemed that he just never regained his strength. It is like when an older person goes into the hospital for some tests, ends up in a lot of pain, and just never recovers, dying from something seemingly completely unrelated. Nathan asked me if it was "Hero's time" to die, or did we or the vet do something to hasten it. Maybe a combination of both, but it was his time. We have no way of knowing what underlying "things" were going on in his body that the pain from the x-rays just sort of freed up.
If one were to look back on his life, they would see one that was fuller than many humans' lives, which is sort of sad. He traveled to many places in Europe, as well as to the US where he lived with Grandma and Grandpa for a year. He went to summer camp every year and was always the star of at least one camper video. I only know of one person that he did not like; a collegue's son who had teased him when he was a pup.
It was comforting, after we sent out word of his death, to get so many notes from friends and family who had known him, telling stories about Hero or one of his antics. One of my brothers remembers Hero as my Dad's shadow, and as the "garbage disposal"; as Mom says, the plates were always clean when Hero was around! Both sets of his "grandparents" loved him and grieve him as well.
After you read this, go pet your own dog, be thankful that you have him. Then pray for us that we will fully "get over" this...and be able to find a new puppy for the kids (and for the parents too!). It is what Hero would have wanted.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Sunday, November 19, 2006
See through the veil filter
Yesterday was Saturday, which means pizza night at our house. Since Anka wanted to see how I do the dough, I waited until they arrived...an hour or so late..to make the dough. While we were waiting for it to rise, I asked her about her job. After giving me some idea of what she's been doing, she started to tell me about a young woman with whom she works. One of her first comments was, "I think that she is mentally ill." She backed this up with some observations, mainly how quickly the gal reacts, and how vehemently. I smiled, then sort of laughed. Anka was surprised, so I told her that she doesn't sound mentally ill, just immature.
Just because someone is an adult, by chronological or anatomical measures, doesn't mean that they are a grown up. I shared with her an observation that someone shared with me years ago. We all view the world through our own special veil or filter. Things that happen around me or to me, I view through that filter. I then told Anka about a woman that I knew. She viewed me through a not very nice filter, an "unfriendly, negative, preachy" filter. The look on Anka's face was priceless! She doesn't view me with this filter; most people don't, I've since learned. But I digress. I told Anka that it seemed that when I told this woman that she looked really nice on a particular day, she'd take that to mean that she didn't look nice on another day. If I said she looked good in blue, that must mean that she doesn't look good in red. For Anka, with this co-worker, it might mean that that other one sees her through some filter. She can't change that, just as I can't change how someone sees me. The only filter that can be changed is our own. In some cases, it can boil down to the "darned if you do, darned if you don't" situation, a no win or lose-lose life. Ah, what to do! ; )
So, what sort of veil or filter do I use? How does my behavior reflect that? Is it Christ-like, and what do I need to change to make it more Christ-like? That is the question of the day!
Hmm, maybe it is time to change the filter....
Just because someone is an adult, by chronological or anatomical measures, doesn't mean that they are a grown up. I shared with her an observation that someone shared with me years ago. We all view the world through our own special veil or filter. Things that happen around me or to me, I view through that filter. I then told Anka about a woman that I knew. She viewed me through a not very nice filter, an "unfriendly, negative, preachy" filter. The look on Anka's face was priceless! She doesn't view me with this filter; most people don't, I've since learned. But I digress. I told Anka that it seemed that when I told this woman that she looked really nice on a particular day, she'd take that to mean that she didn't look nice on another day. If I said she looked good in blue, that must mean that she doesn't look good in red. For Anka, with this co-worker, it might mean that that other one sees her through some filter. She can't change that, just as I can't change how someone sees me. The only filter that can be changed is our own. In some cases, it can boil down to the "darned if you do, darned if you don't" situation, a no win or lose-lose life. Ah, what to do! ; )
So, what sort of veil or filter do I use? How does my behavior reflect that? Is it Christ-like, and what do I need to change to make it more Christ-like? That is the question of the day!
Hmm, maybe it is time to change the filter....
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Count your blessings...
A few days ago, I was meeting with a friend of mine, Prissy. She and I are the last American women missionaries in our town. There used to be quite a number of us, but the rest have gone on to other cities and other ministries. (There are 2 American men missionaries here, one being Kelly, but that really has no bearing...)
Prissy and I are trying to make it a habit to get together on a weekly basis to touch base and to pray for and with each other. The last time we were together, we were sharing a mutual concern. We both have nationals in our life who seem to take us and what we do or can do for granted. For example, both of us have cars. Some to whom we've given rides to in the past seem to assume that if they ever need another ride, that we will take them. Now, if I am on my way to that place, or near to it, and have room, I'll give the ride. But, chances are that I won't make a special trip (anymore!) just to save them some leg work or a ride on the bus.
Many, it seems to us, also seem to think that what we have now, we've always had. (I'll switch here just to me, instead of to both of us!) At this time in my life, I have a nice place to live. It is a house that is really too big for our family, but it really is the only thing in town that fits our needs. We have space to share, and so when people come through, there is almost always a spare bed for them. In fact, since moving into this house in July, we've had one family, one married couple, and 5 singles stay with us. At this time in my life, I know that I have enough money to buy what our family needs, and usually a little left over to buy some of the wants as well. It hasn't always been this way, which leads me to the main story today.
Years ago, when we lived in Oak Harobr, Washington, we lived in our own house; one that we were buying. We were also raising support to come be missionaries here in Slovakia. Due to some interesting ...concerns at the church where Kelly had been youth pastor, he was unemployed and looking for a job. This search took him to San Jose, California. He did find a job there, so for about 6 weeks, I was in Oak Harbor, "alone" with the 4 kids. During this time, Candace (7-years-old) has a severe bladder infection and needed to be cathaterized; Caleb (4-years-old) needed yet another surgery on his ears: Nathan (4 months old) had a slight case of pneumonia, and Hannah (2-years-old) was just sort of tired. Kelly had not received his first paycheck, so was unable to send money for food, and the cupboard was getting rather bare, not to mention the refrigerator. I remember praying and wondering how I was going to buy food to feed the three oldest kids, not really worrying about Nathan since he was nursing at the time. A bit later, the door bell rang. When I got to the door, there was no one there, but there was a bag or two of groceries. To this day, I don't know who brought by the Cheerios, bread, milk and other items, but there was food for days. Another time, Marjorie Kott, a dear woman from the church, who was also the junior church teacher, came by to go grocery shopping for us. She told me to make out a list of things that we needed, which I did. She took Candace along to get some things that the kids wanted, which Marjorie did. Karen Hanaokaa also brought by some groceries. The church had a fund at the time for those who couldn't pay their utilities, so that was how the utitlies were paid for one month.
Why do I go into this story? Because I think it is important for us to remember, in very specific ways, how God has blessed us, has met a need in the past, which helps us to trust Him in the future. As a missionary, it is also important so that I can tell those here, who seem to think that we've never been "without", that we have, and that He is faithful and trustworthy.
So, as the old hymn says, "Count your blessings, name them one by one. Count your blessings, see what God has done."
Prissy and I are trying to make it a habit to get together on a weekly basis to touch base and to pray for and with each other. The last time we were together, we were sharing a mutual concern. We both have nationals in our life who seem to take us and what we do or can do for granted. For example, both of us have cars. Some to whom we've given rides to in the past seem to assume that if they ever need another ride, that we will take them. Now, if I am on my way to that place, or near to it, and have room, I'll give the ride. But, chances are that I won't make a special trip (anymore!) just to save them some leg work or a ride on the bus.
Many, it seems to us, also seem to think that what we have now, we've always had. (I'll switch here just to me, instead of to both of us!) At this time in my life, I have a nice place to live. It is a house that is really too big for our family, but it really is the only thing in town that fits our needs. We have space to share, and so when people come through, there is almost always a spare bed for them. In fact, since moving into this house in July, we've had one family, one married couple, and 5 singles stay with us. At this time in my life, I know that I have enough money to buy what our family needs, and usually a little left over to buy some of the wants as well. It hasn't always been this way, which leads me to the main story today.
Years ago, when we lived in Oak Harobr, Washington, we lived in our own house; one that we were buying. We were also raising support to come be missionaries here in Slovakia. Due to some interesting ...concerns at the church where Kelly had been youth pastor, he was unemployed and looking for a job. This search took him to San Jose, California. He did find a job there, so for about 6 weeks, I was in Oak Harbor, "alone" with the 4 kids. During this time, Candace (7-years-old) has a severe bladder infection and needed to be cathaterized; Caleb (4-years-old) needed yet another surgery on his ears: Nathan (4 months old) had a slight case of pneumonia, and Hannah (2-years-old) was just sort of tired. Kelly had not received his first paycheck, so was unable to send money for food, and the cupboard was getting rather bare, not to mention the refrigerator. I remember praying and wondering how I was going to buy food to feed the three oldest kids, not really worrying about Nathan since he was nursing at the time. A bit later, the door bell rang. When I got to the door, there was no one there, but there was a bag or two of groceries. To this day, I don't know who brought by the Cheerios, bread, milk and other items, but there was food for days. Another time, Marjorie Kott, a dear woman from the church, who was also the junior church teacher, came by to go grocery shopping for us. She told me to make out a list of things that we needed, which I did. She took Candace along to get some things that the kids wanted, which Marjorie did. Karen Hanaokaa also brought by some groceries. The church had a fund at the time for those who couldn't pay their utilities, so that was how the utitlies were paid for one month.
Why do I go into this story? Because I think it is important for us to remember, in very specific ways, how God has blessed us, has met a need in the past, which helps us to trust Him in the future. As a missionary, it is also important so that I can tell those here, who seem to think that we've never been "without", that we have, and that He is faithful and trustworthy.
So, as the old hymn says, "Count your blessings, name them one by one. Count your blessings, see what God has done."
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
A Mom's Thoughts...
A Mom's Thoughts...
A few days ago, I returned home from a conference in Sopron, Hungary. It was our mission's annual conference, and this was the first year in this city. Previously we were in Budapest, Hungary; Frankfurt, Germany; and Halle, Germany. Each was an experience, but this years' held particular concern for me. This year, I would be "on my own" for most of the time, since Kelly was still in the US. This year, too, would be the first time in over 2 years that I would see a fellow missionary with whom there is some conflict. I was not looking forward to this conference as much as I had to those in the past.
I did have some wonderful times seeing friends from all over Europe, but it was odd. Like I said, Kelly was not with me, so I really got a sense of what it can be like to be a single woman on the mission field. I mentioned to one friend, who is single, that I had thought that there was this network among them, sort of sister-hood, and that they all made plans ahead of time so that they would not be so alone. I was wrong. They do look out for each other, I have seen that, but they aren't always "included" at a certain table for meals. I came away with a greater awareness of that, and I do hope that next year, I'll make the effort to include them, both the ones that I know as well as those whom I do not.
But, as I alluded to, it was a very difficult time for me because of this conflict. I am a peace-maker. When I know that there is some sort of tension or problem, I want to fix it. I want resolution. I don't like "open-endedness" and fuzzy boundaries that come with the situation in which I find myself. It is not a fun adventure, that is for sure, but I hope that I am learning through it, something about myself, as well as about other.
One thing that I have learned is that not even missionaries are always honest. This person had told me how much they appreciated what I had done, been doing, so I figured what I'd been doing was a good thing. Later, much, much later, I was told that what I had been doing had so traumatized this person that they were unable to function the rest of that day. Hmm, what to believe?
Perhaps the worse part, though, is the unforgiveness. To me, this is not acceptable. As a person of faith, a lover of Jesus, I know that forgiveness is key to my very life in Him. Without forgiveness, I don't know what I would do. As part of my being forgiven, I have no option but to forgive others when they offend me, whether they ask for forgiveness or not. But what do I do when I ask for forgiveness of a fellow Christian, a fellow missionary even, and the response is that of "I need to pray about it", and hear nothing on it for years? What do I do when I again ask for forgiveness, only to not get a response, except through various channels and to be told that the response was one of anger? It is not a fun spot to be in, but ...
And this is where the life of faith gets really interesting. Do I have enough faith to trust Jesus with this person? To trust that He really is in control, knows my heart and the other person's, and will indeed, work all things out for my good as it says in Romans 8? Do I really trust Jesus to heal my hurt over this situation, and move on, press forward, continue to do what He has called me to do, even though this person won't forgive me? (Note, I say won't. This person can, we all can, it isn't easy, but forgiveness, like love, is a choice!) My answer to that is Yes, I can trust Him. I can rest, knowing that He loves me and the other person, and will continue to work in both of our lives until there is at least some resolution.
Hmm, there is more I'd like to say, but this is becoming a novel and not just a blog. But there are days ahead, and I even have some ideas floating around my brain for future posts. Live the life, take the risk on the adventure....
A few days ago, I returned home from a conference in Sopron, Hungary. It was our mission's annual conference, and this was the first year in this city. Previously we were in Budapest, Hungary; Frankfurt, Germany; and Halle, Germany. Each was an experience, but this years' held particular concern for me. This year, I would be "on my own" for most of the time, since Kelly was still in the US. This year, too, would be the first time in over 2 years that I would see a fellow missionary with whom there is some conflict. I was not looking forward to this conference as much as I had to those in the past.
I did have some wonderful times seeing friends from all over Europe, but it was odd. Like I said, Kelly was not with me, so I really got a sense of what it can be like to be a single woman on the mission field. I mentioned to one friend, who is single, that I had thought that there was this network among them, sort of sister-hood, and that they all made plans ahead of time so that they would not be so alone. I was wrong. They do look out for each other, I have seen that, but they aren't always "included" at a certain table for meals. I came away with a greater awareness of that, and I do hope that next year, I'll make the effort to include them, both the ones that I know as well as those whom I do not.
But, as I alluded to, it was a very difficult time for me because of this conflict. I am a peace-maker. When I know that there is some sort of tension or problem, I want to fix it. I want resolution. I don't like "open-endedness" and fuzzy boundaries that come with the situation in which I find myself. It is not a fun adventure, that is for sure, but I hope that I am learning through it, something about myself, as well as about other.
One thing that I have learned is that not even missionaries are always honest. This person had told me how much they appreciated what I had done, been doing, so I figured what I'd been doing was a good thing. Later, much, much later, I was told that what I had been doing had so traumatized this person that they were unable to function the rest of that day. Hmm, what to believe?
Perhaps the worse part, though, is the unforgiveness. To me, this is not acceptable. As a person of faith, a lover of Jesus, I know that forgiveness is key to my very life in Him. Without forgiveness, I don't know what I would do. As part of my being forgiven, I have no option but to forgive others when they offend me, whether they ask for forgiveness or not. But what do I do when I ask for forgiveness of a fellow Christian, a fellow missionary even, and the response is that of "I need to pray about it", and hear nothing on it for years? What do I do when I again ask for forgiveness, only to not get a response, except through various channels and to be told that the response was one of anger? It is not a fun spot to be in, but ...
And this is where the life of faith gets really interesting. Do I have enough faith to trust Jesus with this person? To trust that He really is in control, knows my heart and the other person's, and will indeed, work all things out for my good as it says in Romans 8? Do I really trust Jesus to heal my hurt over this situation, and move on, press forward, continue to do what He has called me to do, even though this person won't forgive me? (Note, I say won't. This person can, we all can, it isn't easy, but forgiveness, like love, is a choice!) My answer to that is Yes, I can trust Him. I can rest, knowing that He loves me and the other person, and will continue to work in both of our lives until there is at least some resolution.
Hmm, there is more I'd like to say, but this is becoming a novel and not just a blog. But there are days ahead, and I even have some ideas floating around my brain for future posts. Live the life, take the risk on the adventure....
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Life is an Adventure
Hmm. let's see if I can get this write, I mean right! I had written something, and when I went to preview it, lost it all. I guess that name of computer_widow still fits! In an attempt to recapture what was written...
I have been inspired of late by the blogs I have been reading. Most recently, the blog about David and Jeff's around-the-world jaunt. Okay, so that trip has only just begun, so I've only read the first day, but it still inspired me to put fingers to keyboard and record some of my own musings.
I have often told people, "Life is hard, then you die and then (for Christians) you get to have a party!" Life is hard, those who don't agree, that is fine, but they live in a dream world, or don't really live at all. That life is hard isn't a bad thing, it just is. Anything worth doing is going to require at least a little effort. Life is worth doing, life is worth the effort. But, life is also an adventure, as many have sung over the years. Don't worry, I won't sing, but I will sing along! It is along those lines of worth and adventure that I will stirve to express myself. It might not always be pretty, but I will strive to be truthful, which can be beautiful.
As I sit here amongst piles of unpacked boxes, re-settling into the life of a missionary mom in Slovakia, I confess that I'd rather be somewhere else. Somewhere with sunshine, warm breezes, no boxes, and all the family together. But, I can't have that, so I'll have to take what I have, and make it worthwhile. I am where God wants me to be at this time, and that is a good thing. It is a very hard thing for me now, though. Kelly, my beloved husband, is in Arizona with Caleb, or CJ as he is wanting to be called, the second of our "brood" to fly from the nest, settling him into college. I got to tell you, this empyting of the nest adventure is for the birds! For one whose most fun job is that of being Mom, this is not the fun part. I'd rather keep all of them around me all the time, but that would not be the best for them. As one woman pointed out, my part in their life is to teach them how to "use their wings" and to set them free. Some would say it is 2 down and 2 to go, which in a sense it is. I am thankful to God for the years and children with which he has blessed me, and know that it is only as they (our kids) make their was in life, have their own adventure, that I know how well being the happy mommy has been. At this point, it is gratifying to see how well they are "turning out". What will be, I don't know, but I know it will most likely be hard, but oh, what an adventure!
So, this little adventure in blog-world begins. I don't think I'll write daily, since even the most exciting adventures have their lulls, or times when it simply is not possible to make an entry. Since they will be more along the personal lines, I have no plan to follow a certain format, but know that I am open to suggestions, comments, input, etc. Life IS hard. But, with Jesus in the midst of it, oh so worthwhile!
I have been inspired of late by the blogs I have been reading. Most recently, the blog about David and Jeff's around-the-world jaunt. Okay, so that trip has only just begun, so I've only read the first day, but it still inspired me to put fingers to keyboard and record some of my own musings.
I have often told people, "Life is hard, then you die and then (for Christians) you get to have a party!" Life is hard, those who don't agree, that is fine, but they live in a dream world, or don't really live at all. That life is hard isn't a bad thing, it just is. Anything worth doing is going to require at least a little effort. Life is worth doing, life is worth the effort. But, life is also an adventure, as many have sung over the years. Don't worry, I won't sing, but I will sing along! It is along those lines of worth and adventure that I will stirve to express myself. It might not always be pretty, but I will strive to be truthful, which can be beautiful.
As I sit here amongst piles of unpacked boxes, re-settling into the life of a missionary mom in Slovakia, I confess that I'd rather be somewhere else. Somewhere with sunshine, warm breezes, no boxes, and all the family together. But, I can't have that, so I'll have to take what I have, and make it worthwhile. I am where God wants me to be at this time, and that is a good thing. It is a very hard thing for me now, though. Kelly, my beloved husband, is in Arizona with Caleb, or CJ as he is wanting to be called, the second of our "brood" to fly from the nest, settling him into college. I got to tell you, this empyting of the nest adventure is for the birds! For one whose most fun job is that of being Mom, this is not the fun part. I'd rather keep all of them around me all the time, but that would not be the best for them. As one woman pointed out, my part in their life is to teach them how to "use their wings" and to set them free. Some would say it is 2 down and 2 to go, which in a sense it is. I am thankful to God for the years and children with which he has blessed me, and know that it is only as they (our kids) make their was in life, have their own adventure, that I know how well being the happy mommy has been. At this point, it is gratifying to see how well they are "turning out". What will be, I don't know, but I know it will most likely be hard, but oh, what an adventure!
So, this little adventure in blog-world begins. I don't think I'll write daily, since even the most exciting adventures have their lulls, or times when it simply is not possible to make an entry. Since they will be more along the personal lines, I have no plan to follow a certain format, but know that I am open to suggestions, comments, input, etc. Life IS hard. But, with Jesus in the midst of it, oh so worthwhile!
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Life is an Adventure
I have been inspired over these past few months by different blogs which I have read. Most recently, i've been reading about David and Jeff's around-the-world jaunt. Okay, it is only the first day for them, but it is what I read, and I know there will be more!
I have often told others that "Life is hard. Then, you die and, at least for Christians, you get to have a party." It has been said that anything worth having is worth working for. So, somewhat along those lines, those of worth and work, I'll be writing in the future. This most likely won't be a daily blog, since even on the most exciting adventures, there are lulls or times when you just don't have the gumption to record "the events". Most of the adventures about which I will attempt to write will center on life for this missionary mom, living again in Slovakia and adjusting to an emptying nest. That process, by the way, of "emptying the nest" is really for the birds! For one whose most fun, who has viewed her "job" as the Mom as the best job in the world, this is not a fun change... but it is all part of the adventure.
The adventure and challenge of unpacking boxes awaits me. What awaits you?
Hmm, found this lurking, so at the risk of redundancy, will publich this one too....
I have often told others that "Life is hard. Then, you die and, at least for Christians, you get to have a party." It has been said that anything worth having is worth working for. So, somewhat along those lines, those of worth and work, I'll be writing in the future. This most likely won't be a daily blog, since even on the most exciting adventures, there are lulls or times when you just don't have the gumption to record "the events". Most of the adventures about which I will attempt to write will center on life for this missionary mom, living again in Slovakia and adjusting to an emptying nest. That process, by the way, of "emptying the nest" is really for the birds! For one whose most fun, who has viewed her "job" as the Mom as the best job in the world, this is not a fun change... but it is all part of the adventure.
The adventure and challenge of unpacking boxes awaits me. What awaits you?
Hmm, found this lurking, so at the risk of redundancy, will publich this one too....
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